Yesterday, I received the hospital’s report regarding my mom’s fall. (To read what happened to my mom, read my post 15 minutes of hell)
The scene has played out hundreds of times since she fell on December 15th. And after reading the hospital’s report, I went into an emotional tailspin of intense anger.
In the letter, the hospital admitted my mom shouldn’t have been left alone on the bedside commode. But, anticlimactically, that was about as forthcoming and transparent as they were about what happened. There was nothing about the lies the nurse told me about leaving my mom. Nothing about the cover-up. Nothing about my mom’s additional pain and suffering and additional hospital stay and meds she was prescribed because of the neglect. And there was nothing about the trauma of finding my mom on the floor. It was obvious to me that this ‘report’ had been thoroughly rinsed through the legal department before it was sent out.
Part of me wants to get legal advice and sue the hospital. I want someone to pay for what happened to my mom. We all know that corporations change only when they have to pay, so what will be learned if I simply go away? How would I feel if someone else went through this same ordeal and did nothing, and then it happened with my mom? I feel a sense of responsibility for being a steward of what happened, and I don’t want it swept under the rug. But, mostly, I want justice. I want someone to pay. I want it set right.
And then I remember the book, Unbroken. It’s the story of Louis Zamperini, an Olympic runner who became a POW in a Japanese concentration camp during WWll. For years, he and his fellow prisoners endured starvation, severe and crippling beatings, and degrading humiliation. The book delves deeply into his post-war life and the resulting PTSD and alcohol addiction. His life was in the shambles of hatred, and all he thought about was killing the most horrific prison guard of all, a man the prisoners named The Bird. But then something quite miraculous happened to Louis. At the height of his addiction and in the midst of losing everything, he went to a Billy Graham crusade and learned about God’s forgiveness. That was when God took hold of Louis’ heart, and gave him the power to forgive his enemies.
Just a few days ago I was telling everyone how inspired I was by Louis Zamperini’s forgiveness and how being freed from hatred has allowed him to live a powerfully redeemed life full of service and goodness. And then two days later I want Nurse K’s head on a platter. Lord, help me. I’m a walking bundle of contradictions.
And then this morning during deep reflection, I remembered times in my life when I’ve made bad choices and I was shown grace instead of punishment. I remembered when I partied with my friends and then got into a car and drove home. It’s only by God’s grace that I didn’t kill someone.
I thought about the time when I was thirteen years-old and was caught shoplifting. I could have been arrested and sent to Juvenile Hall, but the security officers saw that I was a girl who was acting with the crowd and just needed the discipline and guidance of her parents. It was because of grace that I wasn’t prosecuted.
And then God gently brought out the big guns and I started to remember the deeper, more disturbing choices I made before entering recovery. Had God not been gracious to me? It was God’s love that healed me and set me free from addiction, not his wrath. If it weren’t for God’s grace, I wouldn’t be here at all.
As the memories flowed, I started thinking about Nurse K. Unlike The Bird, Nurse K wasn’t intending to hurt my mom. I don’t think she woke up the morning of December 15th and set out to make my mom fall. I believe she made a bad choice, probably under extreme pressure at work. And, sadly, my mom paid for it. If Louis can forgive The Bird, who performed premeditated torture, I asked myself, shouldn’t I also forgive Nurse K? Doesn’t she deserve the same grace I’ve been given?
Hmmm. With that thought, something deep within started to stir.
Jesus told us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. As hard as it is, to be a true follower of Jesus, I have to be willing to put my sword down, even when I have the right to sling it.
The invitation set before me is the same one Jesus presents to us every day. Will you follow me? Are you up for the adventure of doing things my way? Are you willing to forego the human pay-off so my will can be done? I see things you don’t see. I’m interested in much deeper things than law suits and revenge. Above all, I’m interested in the hearts of people, where the real change happens.
There’s a high price to this invitation, though. We must lay down our swords.
So, in honor of my mom and out of my desperate need for the Lord’s wisdom, I’ve decided that until after Easter, I will do nothing but pray about the situation. I won’t call an attorney. I won’t respond to the hospital’s letter. And when I have flashbacks of finding my mom on the floor, I’ll pray.
I’m not sure how God’s justice, mercy, and the need for accountability will play out with the hospital. But, I do know that God must first deal with my darkened heart before I can deal properly with anyone else… including Nurse K.
“Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?” Romans 2:4
Lori,
Sometime we can talk about the reasons we did not sue the home or the woman who dropped my mother.
If you want to.
It was about grace. And legacy. And freedom for our family as well, I believe.
Love you. Praying for you. Shelly
I’d love to talk with you, Shelly. Thank you for offering.
Truthfully I am not sure how I would respond, but you are setting an example to me. I usually do first and regret my actions later. I am sorry your mom had to endure such pain and go through that ordeal – my heart just aches for her, but I see God working in this situation for you and for the rest of us. God bless you, I will also pray for you these next weeks for Gods guidance.
Thanks, Patty. My mom never complained or said a cross word about her experience. She is the example I want to follow.
I usually act and then regret it, too. I suppose since it has to do with my mom, I’m a bit slower to act. I know God has good to bring out of this situation. I’m counting on his direction.
Your faith will be rewarded –
The Lord will lead you and guide you…you are so sensitive to His voice. Thank you for sharing your heart. Praying for you too Lori.
Thank you for your prayers. I really appreciate your loving support.
It’s obvious that you want to know what the right thing to do is..and to be spiritually clear what that is…Whatever your decision you’ve done it with prayer and meditating…Diane
Thanks, Diane. Yes, with prayer and scripture and the wisdom of trusted friends. I want to know that God leads every step I make. Right now he’s clearing out my sword and punishing spirit. They gotta go…
Wow, this is both beautiful and heavy and heart-wrenching at the same time. What a giant issue to have to face. Thank you for being transparent. I will pray for you, and I pray that God will bless your waiting with some clarity. *Hugs.
Thank you for your prayers. I need them! If I’m faithful to seek God, I know he will show me where to go and what to do. The process starts with being humbled, which I am. I feel so much freer now that I made the choice to just pray until after Easter. From there, we’ll see where he leads. Thanks again …
Wow. This leaves tears in my eyes. Praise God for his mercy in your life and in all of ours!
Thanks, KM. Yes, all praise goes to God for his goodness. He’s been so faithful to me. I know he will continue to be for all of us.
Well written and so profound. I admire your strength and goodness.
I am pleased you seem to have decided that no harm was done to your mother intentionally and not proceed with any lawsuit. Having been a nurse’s aide for a time, I can vouch for how split nurses must be. I had one fall on me, when she abruptly sat back into a wheelchair I hadn’t yet positioned. She landed on the floor, hitting her head. I was reprimanded, despite the fact I did nothing wrong. She was a rather confused and deaf woman, who did not understand I wasn’t ready for her to sit down. It was really out of my control. Knowing this, I am glad you have found it in your heart to move on. It would be awful if we sued every hospital/dr/nurse for the slightest error. Lawyers are the ones who benefit from a lawsuit.
Thank you for your comment.
I’m not saying there was no harm to my mom. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Although I believe the nurse didn’t intend to hurt my mom, her neglectful behavior, which seems very different from your situation, was extremely harmful and could have caused her immediate death. The nurse purposely went against hospital protocol.
As I wrote in my post, I don’t know how this will play out with the hospital. I need to seek the Lord for his direction. Whatever he leads me to do, I know I’ll feel peace about it and it will be done with a confidence in him.
I do know that if nothing changes, more patients will be hurt and could easily die from those decisions.
I’m sorry you went through such an ordeal. It sounds like you did the best you could for the patient.
Hope you come to a peaceful conclusion to this awful episode. (I read your post about your mom’s “accident”, but don’t retain much of the details. I didn’t realize that the nurse deliberately went against protocol.) That really should not happen.
Best wishes for a quick resolution.
Thank you…a peaceful conclusion is a great goal. I like how you phrased that.
Lori, your heart is so kind and loving. To be able to stop yourself and reconsider your motives takes a great deal of strength and courage. I admire and applaud you for that.
Your season of prayer on how to respond seems reasonable and wise.
Do you think writing a letter to Nurse K could be an option? Telling her how she affected your mom and yourself and that you’ve forgiven her? It could be an opportunity of healing for you both.
Much love to you as you process this difficult situation.
Thanks for your comment, Denise. I always appreciate and value your wisdom.
Yes, I’ve thought quite a bit about writing a letter Nurse K. But, it sways wildly from a forgiveness letter to a How-Could-You rant.
This just tells me that I need to spend more time with God about it. I have a strong desire to forgive, (mostly because I know that’s the way Jesus wants me to go, not because I feel like it), but I’m still wrestling with the flashbacks of finding my mom on the floor in such a vulnerable and neglected state. If I’m not careful the moment those scenes start to play out, I quickly start rehearsing scenarios of what I’d like to do to Nurse K. And, as much as I don’t like it, the truth is, I have a strong destroying spirit about the cover up. I know that’s not from the Lord.
Please pray for me. I know God will have the victory in this battle.