Thank you, Robin for the inspiration for this post.
Why do I blog?
I sat in front of my doctor and admitted I was feeling suicidal. It was my very first appointment with him and I was falling apart right in front of him. I was too much of a mess to be embarrassed. My therapist was adamant that I needed depression medication so I could sort through all my childhood trauma that was busting through the door of my psyche. I was exhausted and needed sleep medication because nightmares tormented me and I couldn’t sleep. I needed anti-anxiety medication because the panic attacks were coming so fast and I didn’t know how to handle them. I might add that I didn’t even know what a panic attack was – I just thought I was dying. I would lock my bedroom door as I screamed into a pillow in my closet so my children couldn’t hear me. I thought I was losing my mind. The worst part is no one could join me in the battle that raged in my mind. I was powerless to stop my 20 year eating disorder, Lord knows I tried. I was alone and completely defenseless from my unraveling life. I was paranoid, in excruciating pain, and totally hopeless. My trauma bill came due, and I was paying with the nothing I had. This is what buried childhood trauma did to a thirty-something wife and mother of two: PTSD, major depression, and addiction.
I knew only one thing for sure. I couldn’t hold on any longer. And if someone didn’t save me, I was going to die. Some of us have been wounded so deeply we need a team of people to help us heal properly. And some of us need a savior. I know I did.
It was the turning point in my life. It was the end of life as I knew it. And it was the beginning of what I never dreamed could be possible for me.
That was me almost 7 years ago. And I cry at the thought of someone else going through that horrific pain I felt. But statistics tell me there are people who are entering that battle right now, and I’m passionate about reaching them. I know the path ahead of them is steep. It’s hard work to heal, and it can feel dangerous at times. But the mountain of trauma is conquerable, and the fight is more than worth it. We can heal from anything.
God has done miracles in my life. He’s completely healed from my eating disorder, it’s been years and years since I had a panic attack, and the nightmares have stopped. I’ve processed enormous amounts of trauma, and I enjoy a full life of recovery…It’s not a perfect life. But it’s a life of freedom and incredible joy. I want to tell people there is freedom from hell on earth.
This is why I blog.
Your turn, please. Will you share with me why YOU blog?